You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.