her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
