never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
