HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.