dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
