o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator