im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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