just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
