He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
