My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good