I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
