we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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