Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.