apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.