I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
