I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
