Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She bit a glass in half.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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