weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
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also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"