Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.