Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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