You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it glows. i had to have it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know