so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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