We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.