So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
