Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.