Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
