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when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
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