K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
