What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
