You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god