At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
