My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like