OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
