walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...