You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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