my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities