Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love