He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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