Will you blow on my dice?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
