ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest