apparently the secret to your success is patron
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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