Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes