Texts From Last Night

katiegirl1980's Favorites Texts:

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

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  (419): Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this... http://tfl.nu/jh8c
  Replies (19) Good night (1805) Bad night (2858)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19644) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27827) Bad night (1800) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was

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  (203): She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was http://tfl.nu/dgtk
  Replies (15) Good night (3828) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

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  (617): I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes." http://tfl.nu/5alc
  Replies (31) Good night (3258) Bad night (1172)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

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  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (97) Good night (32001) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.

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  (646): You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward. http://tfl.nu/aqj7
  Replies (15) Good night (7562) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

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  (303): I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer. http://tfl.nu/2j6i
  Replies (76) Good night (15367) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Career choice validated

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  (732): Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!" (732): Career choice validated http://tfl.nu/g765
  Replies (51) Good night (9284) Bad night (857)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

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  (713): I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes http://tfl.nu/wjig
  Replies (41) Good night (5185) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

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  (818): Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place http://tfl.nu/xlhx
  Replies (58) Good night (15800) Bad night (823)
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  (415): View more from California

  You kept trying to hail an ambulance

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  (415): You kept trying to hail an ambulance http://tfl.nu/adc4
  Replies (2) Good night (3428) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

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  (949): i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit http://tfl.nu/gr8g
  Replies (13) Good night (2948) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.

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  (516): I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick. http://tfl.nu/yu0a
  Replies (9) Good night (1578) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or

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  (303): ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or http://tfl.nu/vwgc
  Replies (21) Good night (1610) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.

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  (812): I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated. http://tfl.nu/dk0w
  Replies (11) Good night (1594) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

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  (704): Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?" http://tfl.nu/740o
  Replies (9) Good night (1889) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you

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  (541): they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you http://tfl.nu/813g
  Replies (23) Good night (4162) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now

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  (612): New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now http://tfl.nu/fnbr
  Replies (11) Good night (1798) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.

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  (914): I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed. http://tfl.nu/j5xb
  Replies (6) Good night (1333) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt