tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
