I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.