Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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