I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.