I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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