Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work