my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.