Texts From Last Night

Hay1eybe11e's Favorites Texts:

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  (940): View more from Texas

  He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.

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  (940): He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts. http://tfl.nu/9w8s
  Replies (11) Good night (2431) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite

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  (573): I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite http://tfl.nu/v7zy
  Replies (6) Good night (1081) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.

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  (479): Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE. http://tfl.nu/evb8
  Replies (10) Good night (417) Bad night (1968) Order T-Shirt
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.

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  (320): In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen. http://tfl.nu/m4s0
  Replies (9) Good night (2863) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.

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  (317): Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day. http://tfl.nu/olid
  Replies (23) Good night (4317) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss

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  (506): i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss http://tfl.nu/l8g6
  Replies (8) Good night (410) Bad night (2577) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.

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  (+44): I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you. http://tfl.nu/998a
  Replies (5) Good night (2306) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

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  (905): She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris http://tfl.nu/nmbr
  Replies (43) Good night (8430) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."

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  (480): So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..." http://tfl.nu/pg8j
  Replies (15) Good night (6033) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I can't believe he would be such an ass

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

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  (561): I can't believe he would be such an ass (1-561): Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything. http://tfl.nu/zk45
  Replies (7) Good night (4602) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun

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  (908): I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun http://tfl.nu/9z1c
  Replies (16) Good night (2852) Bad night (316)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.

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  (903): I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls. (214): It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep. http://tfl.nu/5v3w
  Replies (17) Good night (4696) Bad night (575)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

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  (307): I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that. http://tfl.nu/zno7
  Replies (16) Good night (5674) Bad night (540)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth

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  (+44): I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth http://tfl.nu/v9jy
  Replies (9) Good night (1252) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

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  (513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead http://tfl.nu/yu41
  Replies (17) Good night (5714) Bad night (756)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!

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  (802): just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke! http://tfl.nu/q0f1
  Replies (36) Good night (6647) Bad night (1648) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys

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  (239): you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys http://tfl.nu/zkgi
  Replies (20) Good night (4326) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.

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  (773): Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem. http://tfl.nu/9i07
  Replies (30) Good night (4883) Bad night (549)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

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  (859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight. http://tfl.nu/5wwv
  Replies (46) Good night (6529) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.

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  (401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever. http://tfl.nu/cy9z
  Replies (195) Good night (10196) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  im sorry, i don't get text messages.

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  (225): you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!? (504): im sorry, i don't get text messages. http://tfl.nu/s0zg
  Replies (13) Good night (538) Bad night (919)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.

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  (801): he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages. http://tfl.nu/yro9
  Replies (8) Good night (3148) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.

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  (858): Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them. http://tfl.nu/9mrx
  Replies (22) Good night (5876) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.

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  (610): I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace. http://tfl.nu/hmhd
  Replies (48) Good night (7275) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt