Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.