in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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