He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
