there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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