What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
