Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
