I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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