he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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