I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
