New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?