So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
